So far, this blog has dealt mostly in the discussion of features of the role play rather than addressing matters of age play, emotionally real inner children, and re-parenting. For those who are looking for information about reparenting and age play in terms of the emotions and effects of our inner children, you are in the wrong place. Try the blog I co-author with Kit: Lessons Learned from Our Inner Kids. There are some topics, however, which cross over and cover both areas of interest to potential readers of this blog, and the matter of character abandonment is one of them.
I am not going to go into vast amounts of detail regarding the nature of emotionally-real inner children. There are other places and times for that and I may edit this post in the future with more information that will help you to better understand.
What I want to talk to you about today is character abandonment in ageplay groups. It happens all the time. You're playing a child (possibly an emotionally real inner kid) and one day, you meet the adult of your dreams. She has every characteristic that you like in a parent. She is loving and kind, but firm in her discipline. She knows just when to let you get away with misbehavior and when to crack down on you. You even love the way that she disciplines you and you're sure that she's "the one." You begin to develop feelings for this person, and you may even begin to feel irrational. You love her, and you want her to love you back.
With (in our case) or without (as is the case in most groups) administrator approval, you proceed with the adoption. You are glowing. It's going to be wonderful. You've finally found the mommy for you. You know that things are going to be okay from now on. Your inner kid will be eternally satisfied and able to be herself with this mommy. You have no more worries at all.
Then she changes. Maybe she has an inner kid of her own, or she's just growing worn out taking care of you. Maybe the discipline disappears altogether, or, more likely, it becomes more harsh. Where you could get away with "just being a kid" now your mommy punishes you if you look at her funny. You're hurt, and you're confused, and you're likely to be afraid to ask what's going on because you know what's coming next...
She leaves. There is probably no verbal warning at all, just the signs that you've been seeing coming at you for so long. And then, like a puff of smoke, she's vanished. She may tell you that she can no longer handle your child, or she may simply leave the group for greener pastures never to instant message you again. All that matters is that she is gone.
In most cases, this type of event occurs when someone leaves the group. It's something that good administrators are always on the lookout for. We (that is, Kit and I), like to see members join us who are looking forward to being with us and our group for an extended period of time of many years (i.e. as long as we plan on being around). While we know that this isn't always possible, it is important to us that we foster not only one another (as you'll see on our blog) but the members of our group and the group itself. This is your job as an administrator: keep the riffraff out!
When a member leaves your group, they leave a ripple effect. If they are a parent, they leave behind children who will suffer a feeling of abandonment. Even the most hard-core spanking groups have members who are otherwise "fragile" in terms of their connection to their child characters. But the children left behind aren't the only issue. There are spouses, and friends, and a story needs to be developed in order to explain your leaving. A skilled administrator can set this up in a way that allows welcome members to return or which alienates those who are not welcome. We recently had to do the latter on our group.
Bear in mind that exiting child characters also have an effect, even if they do not have families. They will likely have friends who are being left behind, and there is a similar wake of devastation that affects those who remain.
Nobody in their right mind believes that you should stay in a group forever (unless you are part of the management team). If you aren't happy, there is no reason why you should stay. But I do believe that your first step is to try to resolve your differences with the staff of the group and then to do the best that you can to sever yourself acceptably from the characters you are involved with. Have a good fight with your friends. Divorce your spouse. Leave appropriately and without leaving everybody else to pick up the pieces that you left behind. Wrap your threads up, be polite, and remember that one day you might want a recommendation from the people you're hurting. They'll hurt either way, but if you are polite and appropriate in the way you disconnect yourself from them, you are far more likely to build fences rather than burning your bridges.
