Sunday, February 17, 2013

Committment is Essential to the Healing of an Inner Child

It is the nature of the role playing world that people come and go. Attachments that aren't generally permanent in most role playing groups and people join and leave at will. Nobody can hold you into a group that you don't like or force you to post to threads when you don't have the time to be actively involved in the role play. This is normal. And we get that. Really, we do.

The problem arises when dealing with emotionally real inner kids. 

So far, I haven't talked a lot about what I mean when I say "emotionally-real inner kid," so I'd like to give you a brief introduction to the concept, in case it's new to you.

An emotionally-real inner kid, by the definition that we use on Birchwood Isle, is a piece of an adult person (roleplayer) to which that roleplayer connects very deeply on an intimate and personal level. This piece of the adult can feel entirely separate, like another person entirely. I used to refer to them as "imaginary friends" because that was a very easy way to look at it. These pieces of us are incredibly fragile, and as we seek healing, they are vulnerable to being hurt by careless individuals who aren't sensitive to their needs.

For all intents and purposes, the hearts of these inner children should be treated with as much sensitivity as you would treat a real, biological child (even if there is an adult, and not a biological child, behind the character you're interacting with).

Most people in role play don't come into a group prepared to make a serious commitment to the game that they are playing and to the people they are playing with. However, in order to make the most of the experience of literate age play, players really do need to make the effort to make a commitment to themselves and others to enhance the game and to be willing to commit to the adoptions in which they are involved. 

Let me word this a little bit differently: If you choose to adopt an inner child, you have to be prepared to stick around for the long haul. If you turn your back on that child, you may very well be breaking the heart of someone who looked to you to protect them, to take care of you, to guard you. When that person vanishes suddenly, it is disruptive to the healing process the inner child is undergoing, and it does more damage than simply leaving a role playing site with which you were previously associated. 

If you're going to "play this game," you need to be prepared to be in it for the long haul. And if you absolutely must leave, make sure to notify the people with whom you have been playing that you won't be returning.

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